It's possible to say that the Bus to the Ohel has been the single greatest contribution to Lubavitch in the last decade. No longer does one have to drei at The Dreidel, taking frequent hand-warming or sweat-reducing trips into Chocolatte until a kind-hearted driver honks you into his car. No longer must one break the bank to rent from Kabakov r”l or get yelled at in Union car service. 

Five times a day – more often on special days – whenever something unexpected happens, when there's a simcha, or when you simply need to escape the hustle and bustle of Crown Heights, an old bus with words that look like they were just peeled off a dingy storefront window on Utica Ave slapped onto the side (it's usually in the process of being scraped off) is at your service. For a mere $7, you can cross the Belt Parkway in a short one-hour ride.

Sometimes, these rides are side-splitting. You spend the better part of the hour biting your cheeks, trying not to draw blood as you hit an ever-frequent bump in the road. Other times, you blush a deep red, warmth spreading from your upper back up to the roots of your hair. Whatever the case may be, it's rare that an unfamiliar scenario is taking place. You can usually correctly assume that some/all of the following will transpire; colloquially known as stereotypes, here are some things to expect on the ride we’ve all come to know and love:

1. The guys that wait patiently in line to board the bus.

2. The guys fighting to get onto the bus.

3. Girls that can't board the bus until some kind Bochur stops the clamoring Bochurim from fighting their way onto the bus and lets them on.

4. The guy collecting the money. (Yes, that's a stereotype.)

5. Guy that sits in the aisle seat hoping nobody sits down next to him.

6. Guy that sits in the window seat hoping nobody sits down next to him. (Spoiler: the guy in the aisle seat with his hat on the seat next to him is way more intimidating.)

7. The people that want to sit across from each other (lo pasik pumei migirsa. Mamash.)

8. The stair-sitters.

9. The suitcase-sitters.

10. The no-hands standers.

11. Bochur standing holding on to that thing at the head of the seat a girl is sitting on

12. Girl standing holding on to that thing at the head of the seat a Bochur is sitting on 

13. That one girl on a full bus, awkwardly taking up two seats while there are like twelve people standing.

14. Three girls sharing a row (can really be a few but we'll leave it like this).

15. Married woman who was sitting next to her husband who moves so the single girl doesn't take up two seats.

16. Woman struggling with car seat/stroller.

17. The bochurim who help her.

18. The bochurim who feel awkward about not helping her.

19. The dibs who don't care/realize.

20. Dib girls learning something totally random from a Dvar Malchus.

21. Bus with a bunch of girls on which you can hardly hear yourself think.

22. The loud bullshove that nobody wants to hear. You're embarrassed for the people talking.

23. The loud bullshove that you want to hear.

24. The person that shares their whole life story with the person next to them.

25. The person that puts in his earbuds but is secretly listening to the nearby conversation.

26. The person that loses an earbud and crawls through everyone's feet to find it.

27. When a sicha is playing on the bus speaker; you can barely hear it but you feel guilty listening to something else.

28. When the driver is playing loud music, much to the consternation of the passengers.

30. Guy that davens on the bus.

31. Guy that davens on the 3:45 bus…

32. Guy that falls asleep on your shoulder.

33. Guy snoring so loud you wonder if you're in a bus or a truck.

That's all for now. 

Feel free to add your own…