Version History

I’m magnetized to my shtender. My hands are gripping it like it’s the last solid thing in the world. I start to shukul.

“Shukul, shukul.”

Out of the corner of my eye, my chaver next to me is shukuling too. Same pace. Same rhythm.

I straighten up quickly.

So does he.

Awkward silence.

“Shukul, shukul.”

Basically, the ground opens up and swallows me.

I’m falling, falling—and I land running. I look around, panic rising.
“Where am I?”

A voice echoes back: You are in the Shukul Shukul.

No stopping. No standing. I’m told I have to keep moving.

Above me, tefillin are floating, black boxes glowing like side quests. I jump, grab them midair, strap them on without slowing down. Strength up. Focus sharpened.

Then come the mystery boxes.

I leap into the first one—boom—a massive matzah ball bursts out. I swallow it whole. Instant nourishment. Pesach power.

Another jump—this time it’s Shas. Masechtos flying at me like pages in a windstorm. I collect Berachos, Shabbos, Eruvin. Suddenly—there’s a gap. Deep.

For a second I freeze.

Then, like Yosef, I’m misgaber. I run harder and jump. I clear it.

“Shukul, shukul.”

More mitzvos.

Tzitzis flutter ahead like checkpoints—I grab them, they tie themselves on.

A spinning lulav—I catch it midair, the hadassim brushing my face. Speed boost.

A shofar blast knocks the air out of me. I duck, then jump through the sound. Extra life.

A silver kiddush cup floats, wine never spilling. I catch it—Shabbos mode. The world slows, everything softer.

A mezuzah hovers high on a doorframe that isn’t there. I wall-jump, slap it in place. Click. Coins rain down, each stamped with a tiny TYH crown.

“Shukul, shukul.”

Coins everywhere now. My pockets are heavy, dragging me down, clinking with every step.

Ahead of me: a huge glowing pushka.

I stop running for half a second. I empty everything—every coin—into it.

Silence.

Then—BOOM.

Upgrade.

I grow. Taller. Wider. Massive. My head almost scrapes the ceiling of the world. I’m a real Gadol now. Heavy footsteps. Power. Presence.

But then I see it.

A spiky Tanya, my heart sinks.

I try to avoid it—but I clip the edge.

Instantly I shrink. Smaller. Smaller. Tiny tiny. The world towers over me. Pages loom like walls. I’m a nobody.

It takes time.

I keep moving. I keep shukuling, even while running. Small steps. Consistency. Slowly, I recover. Not huge—but steady. Balanced.

I jump again. And again.

Then—the big mystery box.

I jump.

A donut explodes out.

Gigantic. Golden. Sugary.

It swallows me whole.

Darkness. Grease. Powdered sugar everywhere.

And suddenly—

I’m back in shul.

Standing at my shtender.

Hands gripping it.

My chaver next to me is shukuling. Same pace.

I look down.

I’m covered in grease and frosting. My fingers are sticky.

My pockets?

Still full of coins.

The guy next to me glanced at my pockets, nodded, and kept shukuling.

The ground doesn’t open.

Apparently, this is the level.